drink: dirty vodka martini
music: Aerosmith
"I'm major in love, but in all minor keys/'cause falling in love is so hard on the knees"
Christmas was a blast. While the presents under the tree were few in number, I enjoyed the company of my famiy. We ended up playing this game called the game of Things or something like that. You have to put in a response to a writing prompt and everyone has to guess who wrote what. We really went to town with this and ended up with belly laughs. For example: Things you would like to try - my grandfather wrote sex,to my grandmother's dismay - Burn!, Things better late than never - mom's response...climax. Ahh, it was a good time.
What else...O,a lady slapped me in the face today lol. It was definitely meant to be a friendly embrace, but I totally wasn't expecting her to grab my face. And, I went to see the Sherlock Holmes movie and enjoyed it - even if I went by myself.I love 19th century costumes and of course Robert D. I finished the throw blanket I was crocheting off and on for the past 2 years. It was my first attempt at crochet. And yep, it pretty much looks like crap, but it was crap that I put a lot of time into so... I love it anyway. Ha! all my blanket squares came out dome shaped, so as my brother pointed out . . . it looks like a ball holder/hat, lol. Maybe I'll be better at knitting or I should just design a line of crochet banana hammocks.
Not sure what I'm doing New Years Eve, don't have any plans as of yet. Wendy is out with her boy toy in NC. If they end up married, I hope she convinces him to move here or else she will have to find a place with a mother in law suite to accommodate me! Btw, after the holidays I'm not allowed to eat anymore, lol.
I finished reading Snow Flower and the Secret Fan and loved it. Such a great picture of Chinese culture at that time and very well written. Ugh, and foot binding - so hard to stomach. But, if you think of all the things women do today in the name of beauty (bigger breasts, and a flat stomach? - me please!) and social standing it is a lot easier to understand. Moving on to another Freud book: Darkness in the Midst of Vision.
"Pink like a deco umbrella
It's kink - but you don't ever tell her
Pink it was love at first sight, and
Pink when I turn out the light
Pink gets me high as a kite
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight
I want to be your lover
I wanna wrap you in rubber
As pink as the sheets that we lay on
Pink it's my favorite crayon, yeah "
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Undisclosed Desires
I’m trying to set more goals for myself. Focusing on self improvement will hopefully not only lead to a better self, but take me out of this numb funk. Sometimes I feel like I’m looking at myself from the outside like some corny sci-fi experience.I take things too seriously and worry too much. I rarely give myself the opportunity to relieve some of that stress and gobbledygook. I'm working on this. Loving Muse:
For the first time ever, I went downtown for some dinner and dessert. I’ve discovered that I have not mastered the art of eating rice with chop sticks (although I tried my best to look like I knew what I was doing) and that I love peanut butter pie with passion. If I ever own a restaurant/shop, I want it to look like the dessert place -its dim lighting, vintage style décor, I would almost say French atmosphere. Not that I've ever been to France or know anything about French decor.
I read a book about Freud and find it interesting that we give him so much credit and iconic power when his theories, for the most part, are greatly disbelieved. The book painted him as a fame hungry guy, who himself suffered with psychological trauma. Freud threw himself into his work, was against women’s liberation, and was “closer” to some of his male colleagues than he was with his wife. Granted, he did contribute much to the field of psychology along with the colleagues he worked closely with, but he tried to tailor his cases to fit his theories rather than the other way around. His theories developed from a small number of cases, instead of a plethora of evidence. He did, however, make a large contribution to the field, along with Breuer, by recognizing physical symptoms as a result of psychological distress rather than some familiar deficiency.
On a side note, my brother is a doofus. Of course he failed the necessary test to get him into the program. Fortunately, they are giving him another chance and hopefully he will make better choices in the future.
Please me/Show me how it's done/Trust me/You are the one
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
For the first time ever, I went downtown for some dinner and dessert. I’ve discovered that I have not mastered the art of eating rice with chop sticks (although I tried my best to look like I knew what I was doing) and that I love peanut butter pie with passion. If I ever own a restaurant/shop, I want it to look like the dessert place -its dim lighting, vintage style décor, I would almost say French atmosphere. Not that I've ever been to France or know anything about French decor.
Réponds à ma tendresse/Réponds à ma tendresse/Ahhh! Verse-moi l'ivresse
I belong/I belong to you alone
I read a book about Freud and find it interesting that we give him so much credit and iconic power when his theories, for the most part, are greatly disbelieved. The book painted him as a fame hungry guy, who himself suffered with psychological trauma. Freud threw himself into his work, was against women’s liberation, and was “closer” to some of his male colleagues than he was with his wife. Granted, he did contribute much to the field of psychology along with the colleagues he worked closely with, but he tried to tailor his cases to fit his theories rather than the other way around. His theories developed from a small number of cases, instead of a plethora of evidence. He did, however, make a large contribution to the field, along with Breuer, by recognizing physical symptoms as a result of psychological distress rather than some familiar deficiency.
On a side note, my brother is a doofus. Of course he failed the necessary test to get him into the program. Fortunately, they are giving him another chance and hopefully he will make better choices in the future.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Happy Turkey!
Sick with a cold, I've been quarantined in my room along with the animals and the cat litter. My nose hurts!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
It feels so good to know that your effort has lead to good results. . . and better clothes.
Excellent shopping trip.
Loved UP!, "squirrel!"
I discussed the whole interview thing with friends and I agree with their position. I shoud just stick it out, continue doing what I am doing - ingratiating myself into schools, deciding which ones I would really like to pursue.
Would like a winter wonderland vacation.
Loving this:
"You're a Zero! What's your name? No one's gonna ask you Better find out where they want you to go Try and hit the spot Get to know it in the dark"
Excellent shopping trip.
Loved UP!, "squirrel!"
I discussed the whole interview thing with friends and I agree with their position. I shoud just stick it out, continue doing what I am doing - ingratiating myself into schools, deciding which ones I would really like to pursue.
Would like a winter wonderland vacation.
Loving this:
"You're a Zero! What's your name? No one's gonna ask you Better find out where they want you to go Try and hit the spot Get to know it in the dark"
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Blueberry vodka: warm,fruity,sexy
Carving pumpkins.
Found a new favorite school. It's smaller and about 5 minutes from the lib, but the staff and students seem awesome. In fact, I subbed for a lady who tutors in the lib all the time. I thought she looked familiar. Speaking of this, I ran into someone I went to elementary school with and haven't seen since. Ha! Isn't it funny how we recognized each other right away and I haven't seen her since 5th grade. We weren't even that close.
Dragon lady is getting under my skin as pressure of deadlines mount. So type A, she needs a shot of B. We should totally name a drink after her. . . (update: deadline has been extended, whew. more procrastination to ensue).
Lonely.
In January, my sister is moving to China w/ H. to teach English.
Could only get through 30 minutes of G.I Joe movie. It's either the vodka or the nonexitant storyine (or my inability to pay attention to it at the moment). Maybe I should watch Up instead. Ha! I fell off the bed.
*Um we found your porno? Please come collect it (or someone is taking it home with them)!*
Carving pumpkins.
Found a new favorite school. It's smaller and about 5 minutes from the lib, but the staff and students seem awesome. In fact, I subbed for a lady who tutors in the lib all the time. I thought she looked familiar. Speaking of this, I ran into someone I went to elementary school with and haven't seen since. Ha! Isn't it funny how we recognized each other right away and I haven't seen her since 5th grade. We weren't even that close.
Dragon lady is getting under my skin as pressure of deadlines mount. So type A, she needs a shot of B. We should totally name a drink after her. . . (update: deadline has been extended, whew. more procrastination to ensue).
Lonely.
In January, my sister is moving to China w/ H. to teach English.
Could only get through 30 minutes of G.I Joe movie. It's either the vodka or the nonexitant storyine (or my inability to pay attention to it at the moment). Maybe I should watch Up instead. Ha! I fell off the bed.
*Um we found your porno? Please come collect it (or someone is taking it home with them)!*
Thursday, October 29, 2009
And the plot thickens . . .
I'm now privy to the teenage dirt going on in the neighborhood. It's like some hardcore ShowTime drama, containing drugs, alcohol, sexual blackmail, almost murder, and probably gang activity. He's now suspended for skipping and being in a car that almost ran over a school security guard. He doesn't realize that his actions not only harm himself, but the whole family as well.
Bloated.
I have yet to work on my goals . . .
Doldrums.
Bloated.
I have yet to work on my goals . . .
Doldrums.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
You know it's going to be an interesting day when you are told not to turn your back on a child because she is violent and will attack your face. I have to say, I worked with some really good teachers that day. Spending the day with children who are severely handicaped was just nerve wracking and depressing all at the same time. Almost all of them were nonverbal and each had their own behavior fixation (tapping, compulsive eating, rocking, hand flapping). What I find most disheartening is their lack of self presevation - eating rocks, banging head on the ground. It was a new experience and I have a greater appreciation for what I have and empathy for those with special needs and their caretakers.
I spent my birthday working, but when I came home my sister prepared an amazing Italian meal topped off with cheesecake. Delish
I have an urge to spend money, buy new clothes, and watch clerks 2. Pillowpants.
Gas stations are freaking me out lately. I was refueling after work, when some type of shenanigans were going on at the pump next to me. A lady whipped out her chain and went to attack another car - the car sped out and was unharmed. Note to self refuel somewhere else. By the way, gas prices? ugh.
Woke up with a scratchy throat, congestion, and achy head hope it's passing.
Surprise, my brother got caught with drug para. Yep. I came home to find out my brother had skipped school and been taken to Juvenille detention. My parents picked him up, and in the heat of argument, he decided to run away. A missing juvenille report later, and we are hoping he comes home before tomorrow. He is so lucky he's still under 18.
I spent my birthday working, but when I came home my sister prepared an amazing Italian meal topped off with cheesecake. Delish
I have an urge to spend money, buy new clothes, and watch clerks 2. Pillowpants.
Gas stations are freaking me out lately. I was refueling after work, when some type of shenanigans were going on at the pump next to me. A lady whipped out her chain and went to attack another car - the car sped out and was unharmed. Note to self refuel somewhere else. By the way, gas prices? ugh.
Woke up with a scratchy throat, congestion, and achy head hope it's passing.
Surprise, my brother got caught with drug para. Yep. I came home to find out my brother had skipped school and been taken to Juvenille detention. My parents picked him up, and in the heat of argument, he decided to run away. A missing juvenille report later, and we are hoping he comes home before tomorrow. He is so lucky he's still under 18.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The swine flu is among us . . . my sister is contaminated (and I think my dog is a carrier).
Today was a really easy day. I was at Metro,which is a really large school, but I kinda like it (brand new buildings and awesome technology). I also met a really cool chick, a ucf intern, who caught me up on some ed stuff.(I miss being back in school) I floated between a few classrooms and ran some errands. The day just flew by - not too shabby.
My sister (the healthy one) made a fantastic dinner of faux chicken and dumplings with amazing split pea soup (which is currently my favorite). Ahh, so good. She left me an hours worth of dishes, but it was so worth it. Now I'm definitely going to have to get some exercise in tomorrow, lol.
Today was a really easy day. I was at Metro,which is a really large school, but I kinda like it (brand new buildings and awesome technology). I also met a really cool chick, a ucf intern, who caught me up on some ed stuff.(I miss being back in school) I floated between a few classrooms and ran some errands. The day just flew by - not too shabby.
My sister (the healthy one) made a fantastic dinner of faux chicken and dumplings with amazing split pea soup (which is currently my favorite). Ahh, so good. She left me an hours worth of dishes, but it was so worth it. Now I'm definitely going to have to get some exercise in tomorrow, lol.
Monday, October 12, 2009
♥Sometime you just want to punch someone, lol.
♥Why am I walking like something is stuck up my butt? I threw my back out a little bit. Standing requires the use of muscles not usually used = pain. I also managed to slice my thumb while taking out the garbage(or the body bags, as I like to call them, because they are gimoungous drumliners that weigh as much as a small person)
♥I know this is completely lame, but I kinda bummed out that I'm getting over the hill of my 20s. I shouldn't let it bother me, right? Older and wiser, and all that crap.
♥Really feel like taking tomorrow off, but I'm going to be good and earn some money. Shake my money maker. Good God I need a real job. A nine to fiver with weekends off, earning enough money to get by comfortably. Preferably, one that I enjoy. But the more I talk to people the more I realize that work on a whole sucks. Yeah, you have those shiny, happy moments were you feel like you've made a positive impact on someone or thing, but you're always going to have to deal with deadlines, bosses, and frustrating people. It's truly a balancing act and requires strong positive thinking.
♥"She says that love is for fools that fall behind"
♥Halloween costume ideas: Moulin Rouge can can dancer, Queen of Hearts, Pirate, 20s Flapper
♥Why am I walking like something is stuck up my butt? I threw my back out a little bit. Standing requires the use of muscles not usually used = pain. I also managed to slice my thumb while taking out the garbage(or the body bags, as I like to call them, because they are gimoungous drumliners that weigh as much as a small person)
♥I know this is completely lame, but I kinda bummed out that I'm getting over the hill of my 20s. I shouldn't let it bother me, right? Older and wiser, and all that crap.
♥Really feel like taking tomorrow off, but I'm going to be good and earn some money. Shake my money maker. Good God I need a real job. A nine to fiver with weekends off, earning enough money to get by comfortably. Preferably, one that I enjoy. But the more I talk to people the more I realize that work on a whole sucks. Yeah, you have those shiny, happy moments were you feel like you've made a positive impact on someone or thing, but you're always going to have to deal with deadlines, bosses, and frustrating people. It's truly a balancing act and requires strong positive thinking.
♥"She says that love is for fools that fall behind"
♥Halloween costume ideas: Moulin Rouge can can dancer, Queen of Hearts, Pirate, 20s Flapper
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Have you ever seen a gasoline standoff? I can truthfully answer that question with an "O, yeah". On the way home from work the other day, I stopped to get some fuel. I pulled into a pump, got out of the car, and began quenching my car's thirst. I look over to my right and there are 2 cars halfway in a pump stall. At first I thought maybe those guys are friends and just pulled up to talk. Then I hear one guy call the other an infant and that he wasn't moving because he had the right of way. They were just staring at each other from inside their respective cars with the windows rolled down. (you know what, I don't think people "roll" their windows down anymore-it's all about the power windows)Anyway, the men shouted things at each other every once in a while between hard stares and cell phone calls. While I was curious to see who would break this ridiculous game first, I decided my time was much more valuable and left. ♥
I'm so f*cking pissed with myself right now. Yep, It's 8:30 a.m. where am I suppose to be? Subbing. I was suppose to get up @ 6 this morning. I swear I don't remember hearing the alarm go off. I know it must have gone off though and I unconsciously turned it off and went back to sleep (until 8:20!). SHIT. In my defense though, it is hard to work in the a.m. after closing shift. Aaarrrgg! Damn it! I just lost money and my rep. Thankfully,there won't be a penalty for a first time cancel.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
In the driveway I find my parents loading their car with clothes and toiletries. As they were walking out the door,they mentioned they were going to spend tonight and Sunday in St. Augustine. They just up and left the house for "St. Augustine" (who knows if that's where they are really going). In such a wierd giddy mood too, like they were off to have tons of sex or something. Ugh.
What am I to do with an empty house all to myself? Watch horror movies and scare the crap out of myself. Hmm. Maybe not such a good idea. I'll be expecting some chainsaw wielding maniac to come bustin' through my bedroom window in the middle of the night. Instead, I'll convert the house into a nudist colony, surprising my family upon their return. That sounds like a plan, lol.
Damn it. They took the toothpaste.
What am I to do with an empty house all to myself? Watch horror movies and scare the crap out of myself. Hmm. Maybe not such a good idea. I'll be expecting some chainsaw wielding maniac to come bustin' through my bedroom window in the middle of the night. Instead, I'll convert the house into a nudist colony, surprising my family upon their return. That sounds like a plan, lol.
Damn it. They took the toothpaste.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Drove my sister to the airport this am, really early this am. She is on her way to visit Mike in Tn, who will probably only be there a few more weeks before moving back home (due to some irresponsible roomates getting a DUI and possibly being hauled off to jail). But he wanted to come back home and return to the world of academia anyway. Another full house. How will we survive, lol.
Downing coffee and singing Sevendust at the top of my lungs, while the sun is rising
(it's getting cooler!) - Today is going to be a good day!
I have an urge for the Christmas season - bring on the cinnamon/pumpkin spice candles, fireplaces, cold weather, and lights!
There seems to be some sort of conspiracy against me getting more than 5-6 hours of sleep. I believe the whole family is in on it (including the animals). But I guess it's more sleep than some people get. P.S. my lower back is killing me.
Cutting hours in one area = increasing hours in another
I've worked nearly 50 hours last week and hopefully will continue to do so, until I can catch up somehow. It's not good when your student loans suck up 45% of your income.
Had an interview yesterday immediately after school. It was very last minute. I'm sure I was the last interviewee of the day and I got a strong feeling the position was already filled. She was just humoring me with an interview. I hate selling myself,especially when the other person isn't interested, I'm not very good at it.
Anyway, off to do some laundry and other clean stuff before heading to work.
"Go on, believe, if it turns you on.
Take what you need ‘til your body’s numb.
Prostitution is revolution.
You can hate me, after you pay me.
My submission is your addiction.
So just get out while you can."
-Prostitution Is The World's Oldest Profession (And I, Dear Madame, Am A Professional)
Downing coffee and singing Sevendust at the top of my lungs, while the sun is rising
(it's getting cooler!) - Today is going to be a good day!
I have an urge for the Christmas season - bring on the cinnamon/pumpkin spice candles, fireplaces, cold weather, and lights!
There seems to be some sort of conspiracy against me getting more than 5-6 hours of sleep. I believe the whole family is in on it (including the animals). But I guess it's more sleep than some people get. P.S. my lower back is killing me.
Cutting hours in one area = increasing hours in another
I've worked nearly 50 hours last week and hopefully will continue to do so, until I can catch up somehow. It's not good when your student loans suck up 45% of your income.
Had an interview yesterday immediately after school. It was very last minute. I'm sure I was the last interviewee of the day and I got a strong feeling the position was already filled. She was just humoring me with an interview. I hate selling myself,especially when the other person isn't interested, I'm not very good at it.
Anyway, off to do some laundry and other clean stuff before heading to work.
"Go on, believe, if it turns you on.
Take what you need ‘til your body’s numb.
Prostitution is revolution.
You can hate me, after you pay me.
My submission is your addiction.
So just get out while you can."
-Prostitution Is The World's Oldest Profession (And I, Dear Madame, Am A Professional)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Hi, my name is Bob and I’m a first time library user. . .
There’s an appropriate time to express your opinion and it’s not during a presidential or award acceptance speech, seriously. I wonder if there’s a correlation between inappropriate behavior and advancing communication technology. Do you really need that phone hanging from your ear at all times?
“I’m promiscuous”
“So that’s why you know how to do hooker eye makeup…”
Ever feel like you are losing a connection to someone? While you still have that solid foundation, a chasm of space and time exists.
Now there is an official hiring freeze, but I have suspected that an unofficial one has been in place for the last few months.
“Tying yourself to me
Stitch up my emptiness
Cause you’re the death of me”
Browsing YouTube and Wow. Ledger’s joker is a twin to the cure guy in lullaby (being eaten by a spider). Yeah, that’s not the way I want to go. Injected with poison, my insides turning into liquid goo.
Guess whose birthday is next month!
“You think you’re so cool ‘cause you can pee with your penis”
On a mission to lose 4 lbs. by Friday. I’m definitely losing some hair which I don’t think is too bad because I had quite a bit to begin with, but still. Now, if I could only figure out how to only lose the gray ones, lol.
… I was hooked from the time that first whiff of novel dust hit my nostrils causing my entire body to tremble with ecstasy.
There’s an appropriate time to express your opinion and it’s not during a presidential or award acceptance speech, seriously. I wonder if there’s a correlation between inappropriate behavior and advancing communication technology. Do you really need that phone hanging from your ear at all times?
“I’m promiscuous”
“So that’s why you know how to do hooker eye makeup…”
Ever feel like you are losing a connection to someone? While you still have that solid foundation, a chasm of space and time exists.
Now there is an official hiring freeze, but I have suspected that an unofficial one has been in place for the last few months.
“Tying yourself to me
Stitch up my emptiness
Cause you’re the death of me”
Browsing YouTube and Wow. Ledger’s joker is a twin to the cure guy in lullaby (being eaten by a spider). Yeah, that’s not the way I want to go. Injected with poison, my insides turning into liquid goo.
Guess whose birthday is next month!
“You think you’re so cool ‘cause you can pee with your penis”
On a mission to lose 4 lbs. by Friday. I’m definitely losing some hair which I don’t think is too bad because I had quite a bit to begin with, but still. Now, if I could only figure out how to only lose the gray ones, lol.
… I was hooked from the time that first whiff of novel dust hit my nostrils causing my entire body to tremble with ecstasy.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
molto bene
Ever have a conversation where crap just spews out of your mouth and then you immediately have that "what the hell did I just say" feeling. I'm really not that much of a retard. Yep me neither (hangs head. *mmm. . .vino* Can't find a lighter for my candles.
*I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be/A little gambling is fun when you're with me/Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun/And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun, fun*
I hate rude people seriously. shove it up your ass, I'm not trying to screw you over, looks like you can do that all by yourself
On a girlie dance/pop music kick
A bridget without the happy ending. Ha! Like that massage workshop I went to - No happy ending here! lol. Crap.
* I'm shiny and I know it, Don't know why you wanna blow it, Need a man who likes it rough, likes it rough, likes it rough*
Feel like I'm running on a hampster wheel - which reminds me, I need to work out. Feeling okay now, but afraid to push it. I cut calories last week, maybe that is what caused my incident. Which reminds me to get a multivitamin. Plan on waiting till I have a job with benefits to complete blood work. Good excuse? Probably not, but I'm running with it to avoid unpleasantness.
*I fall off the edge of my mind for you*
It's time to start subbing again, yep. Need the money, but it's so hard to motivate myself to go. But if I don't (says the angel on my shoulder, I won't be able to pay my bills *damn*) I have a feeling I'm going to have to borrow some mulah this month. Shit.
*Is that money in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?*
Okay, def tipsy now. Drunken dance ensuing. Grabbing a little more.
*Waking up and you're next to me/Wrap me up in your arms and back to sleep/Lay my head on your chest and drift away/Dream of you and I'm almost half awake*
Sex kitten? Really? Come here, meow.
Need passion/a purpose. Hot passion. Okay, I'm a little more than tipsy at this point.
*Promise I'll be kind, but I won't stop until that boy is mine*
Wanna bet, I'll erase this crap tomorrow? haha, It's 11:20, am I subbing tomorrow - probably not. Work is just not making me happy right now. I need something I enjoy. Some fun has to be had at some point. That's what she said? Alright maybe i should stop this shit now. I know my blog has turned into one big whine, but where else am i to do it.
*Nothing about you is typical
Nothing about you is predicable
You got me all twisted & confused (it's all new)
Up til now i thought i knew love...Baby, you're so unusual.
Didn't anyone tell you you're supposed to break my heart.
I expect you to.
So why haven't you?*
*I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be/A little gambling is fun when you're with me/Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun/And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun, fun*
I hate rude people seriously. shove it up your ass, I'm not trying to screw you over, looks like you can do that all by yourself
On a girlie dance/pop music kick
A bridget without the happy ending. Ha! Like that massage workshop I went to - No happy ending here! lol. Crap.
* I'm shiny and I know it, Don't know why you wanna blow it, Need a man who likes it rough, likes it rough, likes it rough*
Feel like I'm running on a hampster wheel - which reminds me, I need to work out. Feeling okay now, but afraid to push it. I cut calories last week, maybe that is what caused my incident. Which reminds me to get a multivitamin. Plan on waiting till I have a job with benefits to complete blood work. Good excuse? Probably not, but I'm running with it to avoid unpleasantness.
*I fall off the edge of my mind for you*
It's time to start subbing again, yep. Need the money, but it's so hard to motivate myself to go. But if I don't (says the angel on my shoulder, I won't be able to pay my bills *damn*) I have a feeling I'm going to have to borrow some mulah this month. Shit.
*Is that money in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?*
Okay, def tipsy now. Drunken dance ensuing. Grabbing a little more.
*Waking up and you're next to me/Wrap me up in your arms and back to sleep/Lay my head on your chest and drift away/Dream of you and I'm almost half awake*
Sex kitten? Really? Come here, meow.
Need passion/a purpose. Hot passion. Okay, I'm a little more than tipsy at this point.
*Promise I'll be kind, but I won't stop until that boy is mine*
Wanna bet, I'll erase this crap tomorrow? haha, It's 11:20, am I subbing tomorrow - probably not. Work is just not making me happy right now. I need something I enjoy. Some fun has to be had at some point. That's what she said? Alright maybe i should stop this shit now. I know my blog has turned into one big whine, but where else am i to do it.
*Nothing about you is typical
Nothing about you is predicable
You got me all twisted & confused (it's all new)
Up til now i thought i knew love...Baby, you're so unusual.
Didn't anyone tell you you're supposed to break my heart.
I expect you to.
So why haven't you?*
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Good news: I am not pregnant. . . What Now?!
So today didn't exactly go as expected. I had a nice Sunday cookout @ a friend's new house planned. But on the way there, I felt incredibly lightheaded to the point where I actually thought I might pass out. I've never passed out before and it scared the shit out of me. I'm glad I made it safely to W's house. I tried so hard to let it pass and pretend I was fine, but 5 minutes into our car trip, she could tell I was not feeling well.
I told her that I didn't think I would make it. I tried so hard to focus on my breathing, praying I wouldn't pass out in my friend's car (how horrible that would be!). There came a time where i was seriously considering the ER (which would be a last resort, only because I couldn't fathom how expensive that trip would be). Luckily, after a few tears, focused breathing, and orange juice we made it to a clinic (where I waited forever!). The spell lasted a couple of hours. I'm hoping it was low blood sugar, iron deficiency, panick attack or something simple, but who knows.
My blood pressure was normal and he didn't think it was vertigo or a circulatory issue. The doctor recommended running some routine blood work type stuff in the next week or so (which because of my phobia of needles has me freaked out). To top it off, the visit was quite expensive, as I am sure the tests will be too. I currently hold no insurance and am hanging financially on a very thin thread. fml.
I am so thankful that I have such a wonderful friend to take care of me while I was such a mess! And I love the fact that when I came home later that night and tried to tell my parents what happened (yes, I cried again) the first thing mom said was, "Are you pregnant?" (I love my mom, but what the hell?!, I hope she was joking).
I told her that I didn't think I would make it. I tried so hard to focus on my breathing, praying I wouldn't pass out in my friend's car (how horrible that would be!). There came a time where i was seriously considering the ER (which would be a last resort, only because I couldn't fathom how expensive that trip would be). Luckily, after a few tears, focused breathing, and orange juice we made it to a clinic (where I waited forever!). The spell lasted a couple of hours. I'm hoping it was low blood sugar, iron deficiency, panick attack or something simple, but who knows.
My blood pressure was normal and he didn't think it was vertigo or a circulatory issue. The doctor recommended running some routine blood work type stuff in the next week or so (which because of my phobia of needles has me freaked out). To top it off, the visit was quite expensive, as I am sure the tests will be too. I currently hold no insurance and am hanging financially on a very thin thread. fml.
I am so thankful that I have such a wonderful friend to take care of me while I was such a mess! And I love the fact that when I came home later that night and tried to tell my parents what happened (yes, I cried again) the first thing mom said was, "Are you pregnant?" (I love my mom, but what the hell?!, I hope she was joking).
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
no news is good news. not eggzacklee . . .
received the rejection letter in the mail. only a few weeks later than expected, lol. maybe they were really grappling with the decision (uh-huh, that's it). anyway, there are only a few weeks left before the beginning of a new year. hope to get more calls (and offers) in the very near future! pleasepleaseplease i am bored out of my mind and realize that it takes $ to do practically anything. thus, i have watched almost all of season 2 of the office on netflix, cleaned out 1/2 of the garage (2nd cleaning scheduled for next weekend), and have gone through a few good books. fml
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
It's so sad not to wake up to an ocean view with breakfast on the balcony *sigh*Had an interview today. I felt it went very well. My interviewers made me feel at ease and gave me the impression that I would enjoy working with them (and it's not kindergarten!). I hope to find out tomorrow their decision. My fingers are crossed!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Shells and things
Combing Marco Island:
Shrimp
Conch snail
Sand dollar
Mole Crabs
Scallop Shells
Slipper Shells
Coquina
Clam Shells
Cockle Shells
Murex Shells
Sunray Venus Clam Shells
Mangrove Roots
Sea Weed
Manatee
Dolphin
Shrimp
Conch snail
Sand dollar
Mole Crabs
Scallop Shells
Slipper Shells
Coquina
Clam Shells
Cockle Shells
Murex Shells
Sunray Venus Clam Shells
Mangrove Roots
Sea Weed
Manatee
Dolphin
Saturday, July 18, 2009
And the light sinks beneath the horizon
From the balcony the lights of the neighboring pool and my computer illuminate the tranquil night. As I'm writing these words a constant, cool breeze caresses my finger tips as the sounds of the Killers fill the dark night's air. From my birdseye view I can hear, but barely make out the outline of the coast.
We got off to a later start on Friday than anticipated (about an hour or so). The route to the island was very direct and easy to follow. I made sure my side window was thoroghly taped before leaving. Therefore, I only occasionally had to stick my hand out the window while driving to make adjustments. It took us close to 5 hours.
The first day was mainly designated as recovery, as we didn't make it down to the beach or pool but spent time napping/reading/ and helping W write a paper for class. O, and apparently not only do I talk, but I giggle in my sleep. How creepy is that? lol.
My grandparent's rented condo is quite spacious and oddly enough reminds me of the many summers spent on the Cape May Point coast. You know, I would really like to rent that house up there one summer just to relive great memories.
Anyway, I spent a couple hours noodling in the ocean and we actually managed to come close to what we think was a manatee and what we know was a dolphin. Although, the dolphin scared the shit out of all of us. A dorsal fin popped up right in front of us, putting my grandfather into a defensive stance, while my grandmother and I backed up. It didn't take us long to figure out it was a dolphin, but that split second would have made quite a photo, lol. I'm going to take goggles out tomorrow. My brother found very large, perfectly preserved, sand dollars on the sand bar when he was down last week.
After the sun (yep, I did manage a slight sunburn), my grandmother made a great dinner - after which we visited the vacant pool. It's so quiet here. Apparently, most of the condo owners are snowbirds so we pretty much have the place to ourselves. Ah, this breeze is so fantastic there are just no words to describe it. I wish there were a couch or hammock out here. I just want to sleep out here in the sea breeze. While this trip is so pleasant, my mind is still grappling with my impeding financial doom. Something good has to come my way soon, right? It can and it will.
We got off to a later start on Friday than anticipated (about an hour or so). The route to the island was very direct and easy to follow. I made sure my side window was thoroghly taped before leaving. Therefore, I only occasionally had to stick my hand out the window while driving to make adjustments. It took us close to 5 hours.
The first day was mainly designated as recovery, as we didn't make it down to the beach or pool but spent time napping/reading/ and helping W write a paper for class. O, and apparently not only do I talk, but I giggle in my sleep. How creepy is that? lol.
My grandparent's rented condo is quite spacious and oddly enough reminds me of the many summers spent on the Cape May Point coast. You know, I would really like to rent that house up there one summer just to relive great memories.
Anyway, I spent a couple hours noodling in the ocean and we actually managed to come close to what we think was a manatee and what we know was a dolphin. Although, the dolphin scared the shit out of all of us. A dorsal fin popped up right in front of us, putting my grandfather into a defensive stance, while my grandmother and I backed up. It didn't take us long to figure out it was a dolphin, but that split second would have made quite a photo, lol. I'm going to take goggles out tomorrow. My brother found very large, perfectly preserved, sand dollars on the sand bar when he was down last week.
After the sun (yep, I did manage a slight sunburn), my grandmother made a great dinner - after which we visited the vacant pool. It's so quiet here. Apparently, most of the condo owners are snowbirds so we pretty much have the place to ourselves. Ah, this breeze is so fantastic there are just no words to describe it. I wish there were a couch or hammock out here. I just want to sleep out here in the sea breeze. While this trip is so pleasant, my mind is still grappling with my impeding financial doom. Something good has to come my way soon, right? It can and it will.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Breathe out, So I can breathe you in . . .
1 More day until my long weekend in Marco Island!
A hotdog in one hand, a beer in the other, and Wayne's World on t.v. It's official. I am on a much needed and greatly appreciated vaca. I was in a much more festive mood earlier today which was abruptly interrupted by balancing my checking account. Yep, I can now call myself po'. I have to land and accept a position asap ( I did throw out a ton of apps this and last week, so someone better fucking call me!). I have nil. In fact, I am feeling pretty guilty about taking this vaca seeing as though I have nearly maxed out my credit cards. With that in mind though, I do need a few days away to relax, focus, and remind myself of why I want - but more so- need a career. Anyway, I plan on spending next to nothing. I am only buying gas and food (and it wouldn't hurt me to skimp on this aspect : ). Ugh! It's 10:30 and I have to get packing - have to be on the road early!
A hotdog in one hand, a beer in the other, and Wayne's World on t.v. It's official. I am on a much needed and greatly appreciated vaca. I was in a much more festive mood earlier today which was abruptly interrupted by balancing my checking account. Yep, I can now call myself po'. I have to land and accept a position asap ( I did throw out a ton of apps this and last week, so someone better fucking call me!). I have nil. In fact, I am feeling pretty guilty about taking this vaca seeing as though I have nearly maxed out my credit cards. With that in mind though, I do need a few days away to relax, focus, and remind myself of why I want - but more so- need a career. Anyway, I plan on spending next to nothing. I am only buying gas and food (and it wouldn't hurt me to skimp on this aspect : ). Ugh! It's 10:30 and I have to get packing - have to be on the road early!
Monday, July 13, 2009
I Give Myself Very Good Advice but I Very Seldom Follow it…
Kerplunk!
Car issues today. Woke up at the crack of dawn to drive my father to work (his car died last night). Ironically, on way from his office to mine my car decided to finally fold too. I knew it was coming! Steering wheel just froze up like a popsicle. Apparently, there was a belt that came apart, my alignment needed adjusting (which pisses me off because I just had this done), and my power window needed a new rotor (or something?). All going on my credit card.
shitshitshit
Anyway, the repairs were going to take a while. So, I acquired a rental car and decided to make a second attempt to arrive at my original destination . Here's where the story becomes surreal. Yep, someone rearended the rental at a traffic light. It wasn't a gentle nudge. Luckily, there doesn't seem to be any damage to the car. LOL, what a day.
"Do you have books on gonorrhea, because my son has junk in his draws"
Car issues today. Woke up at the crack of dawn to drive my father to work (his car died last night). Ironically, on way from his office to mine my car decided to finally fold too. I knew it was coming! Steering wheel just froze up like a popsicle. Apparently, there was a belt that came apart, my alignment needed adjusting (which pisses me off because I just had this done), and my power window needed a new rotor (or something?). All going on my credit card.
shitshitshit
Anyway, the repairs were going to take a while. So, I acquired a rental car and decided to make a second attempt to arrive at my original destination . Here's where the story becomes surreal. Yep, someone rearended the rental at a traffic light. It wasn't a gentle nudge. Luckily, there doesn't seem to be any damage to the car. LOL, what a day.
"Do you have books on gonorrhea, because my son has junk in his draws"
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Just finished watching Revolutionary Road . . .Love Kate. I thought it was well done, but could understand how someone might get bored with it. Most definitely not a light, feel good movie. Makes you wonder, "Am I settling?". Do I want something more, and if so, what is it that I want? What is at the top of my priority list? Hmm . . . Come to think of it, I've watched a lot of sappy type movies lately *7 lbs., the notebook*. (Note to self: ingest more (stupid) comedies )
Love comfortable silences/Dislike voids where you feel the need to say something just to fill up space, but can't find anything worth saying (because your a mess). . . Welcome to Weinerville?
I wonder if I'm easy to read - some people do it so well. I believe I can read others fairly well. I once did a psyche experiment where I was required to "read" another person and got 9/10 right. Greatly surpassing everyone else in the class. Although this could surely be a fluke, but why spoil my delusion?
Really having trouble getting to bed at a decent hour. Thought of the moment: It's been a really long time since I've been plastered, I would like to change that, lol.
Love comfortable silences/Dislike voids where you feel the need to say something just to fill up space, but can't find anything worth saying (because your a mess). . . Welcome to Weinerville?
I wonder if I'm easy to read - some people do it so well. I believe I can read others fairly well. I once did a psyche experiment where I was required to "read" another person and got 9/10 right. Greatly surpassing everyone else in the class. Although this could surely be a fluke, but why spoil my delusion?
Really having trouble getting to bed at a decent hour. Thought of the moment: It's been a really long time since I've been plastered, I would like to change that, lol.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Tuesday night was spent with W and her OHS crew. While the thought of dinner with pirate entertainment sounds appealing, do not partake of this disaster! The experience was completely horrible. The food was crap *ahem, frozen vegetable soup* and the story- just not interesting (None of us knew what the hell was going on, lol). They did however have a disco after the show. When I think of pirates, I feel the urge to dance?!
Learned the C scale on the piano/keyboard.
The Hangover was a lot of fun. I swear, at times I have the humor of a 19 year old frat boy ☺.
Visited a real gym for the first time ever. I had fun and enjoyed it. Little did I know the pain that was to follow! At the time, I felt fine, like I could go on forever. I had a slight case of jello legs getting off the machine and down the stairs, but fast forward to the next day...My quads are killing me. I can't sit, stand, walk, or bend without wincing. Now I need to recover for a week. Mission accomplished. I did good, lol.
"But seldom do these words ring true
When I'm constantly failing you
Like walls that we just can't break through Until we disappear
So tell me now If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while
There's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the Questions
that you still have"
- Rise Against
Learned the C scale on the piano/keyboard.
The Hangover was a lot of fun. I swear, at times I have the humor of a 19 year old frat boy ☺.
Visited a real gym for the first time ever. I had fun and enjoyed it. Little did I know the pain that was to follow! At the time, I felt fine, like I could go on forever. I had a slight case of jello legs getting off the machine and down the stairs, but fast forward to the next day...My quads are killing me. I can't sit, stand, walk, or bend without wincing. Now I need to recover for a week. Mission accomplished. I did good, lol.
"But seldom do these words ring true
When I'm constantly failing you
Like walls that we just can't break through Until we disappear
So tell me now If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while
There's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the Questions
that you still have"
- Rise Against
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
feeling good right now
watching the office
brushed up the resume
have a few positions i'm applying to
warm and tingley
reevaluating my goals
fiona's voice
eggplant parmesan
having difficulty going to sleep lately
craving company/independence
car needs fixing before it blows up on me
my face hates me
no more subbing
watching the office
brushed up the resume
have a few positions i'm applying to
warm and tingley
reevaluating my goals
fiona's voice
eggplant parmesan
having difficulty going to sleep lately
craving company/independence
car needs fixing before it blows up on me
my face hates me
no more subbing
Saturday, May 23, 2009
cabernet, warm wonderful feeling *draining the last glass from the bottle, damn, need to make a run*
"why do you let me stay here all by myself ?"
'rents off in D.C. , babysitting the sibs, no major incidents thus far, although curious as to what the bro was doin' all friday @ friends house. Need to do a clean up before Monday night return.
Busy few days. Thursday included dropping 'rents off at airport @ 6am, Subbing all day, and working till 9. Worked all day friday and part of saturday. I'm still on an adrenaline/lack of sleep rush.
I don't even mind the rain lately.
Lovin' A Day to Remember
Maybe that's what I need, some purpose, or enjoyment; to feel alive. Ha, how corny does that sound. Much too serious/tense lately, need to relax. Can you stand on your head?
washer broke.
Teaching Chris to drive is more nerve racking than teaching Heather. While Chris has a more solid baseline than heather did, he is more of a jokester and I have my doubts about his following instruction, lol.
Convos with my sister ♥, so similar, but yet so different.
In the mood for a good book.
"Hey you there, I see you over there, I want u to come here"
"why do you let me stay here all by myself ?"
'rents off in D.C. , babysitting the sibs, no major incidents thus far, although curious as to what the bro was doin' all friday @ friends house. Need to do a clean up before Monday night return.
Busy few days. Thursday included dropping 'rents off at airport @ 6am, Subbing all day, and working till 9. Worked all day friday and part of saturday. I'm still on an adrenaline/lack of sleep rush.
I don't even mind the rain lately.
Lovin' A Day to Remember
Maybe that's what I need, some purpose, or enjoyment; to feel alive. Ha, how corny does that sound. Much too serious/tense lately, need to relax. Can you stand on your head?
washer broke.
Teaching Chris to drive is more nerve racking than teaching Heather. While Chris has a more solid baseline than heather did, he is more of a jokester and I have my doubts about his following instruction, lol.
Convos with my sister ♥, so similar, but yet so different.
In the mood for a good book.
"Hey you there, I see you over there, I want u to come here"
Friday, May 15, 2009
MMmmm.... White chocolate coconut creamer, like heaven in my mouth
"Oh baby baby If You Seek Amy tonight
Oh Oh baby baby We'll do whatever you like"
I slept like a log last night. In fact, I woke up this morning to find that I still had by bedside lamp on and a book lying open next to me *thinking i would just rest my eyes a bit*. It was everything I wanted it to be, lol. I was ms. zombie yesterday. An extra long day combined with 2 hours sleep didn't agree with me. I ran out of gas and was puttering to the finish. But I did run into a teacher who happened to be the mother of someone I went to high school with . . . such a small world.
"I wanna kiss you But if i do then i might miss you, babe
It's complicated and stupid Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play, wants to play
A love game, a love game"
"Oh baby baby If You Seek Amy tonight
Oh Oh baby baby We'll do whatever you like"
I slept like a log last night. In fact, I woke up this morning to find that I still had by bedside lamp on and a book lying open next to me *thinking i would just rest my eyes a bit*. It was everything I wanted it to be, lol. I was ms. zombie yesterday. An extra long day combined with 2 hours sleep didn't agree with me. I ran out of gas and was puttering to the finish. But I did run into a teacher who happened to be the mother of someone I went to high school with . . . such a small world.
"I wanna kiss you But if i do then i might miss you, babe
It's complicated and stupid Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play, wants to play
A love game, a love game"
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Sweet Distraction
I'm avoiding all productivity at the moment. Sweet distraction. *shuffling through itunes library* "I'm lost without you, Can't help myself, How does it feel? To know that I love ya baby" I had a nice cinco de mayo get together last night, which included 'ritas and tex mex. A little too much of both, lol. It's funny all the teacher I've met are going back to school or want to go back to do something else; something that makes more money and is hopefully less stressful. Hmm, not a good sign. If I could choose another profession, what would I choose? Join J on OBT or a webcam, lol? God, its so depressing. I don't know where I fit in. "Beautiful disaster, flyin' down the street again."
Anyway . . .
O, I got a call from my great aunt the other day. My aunt and uncle are getting older and are now going to sell their NC summer home and permanently stay in their Clearwater home. She wanted to let me know what was stipulated in her will, which I think is a very good idea to have prepared ahead of time and talked about (especially since my family seems to get screwed out of things). I can tell my aunt is disappointed she can't leave much for my biological father and aunt because of their problems. She told me that at one point she had given my aunt a family ring, which she sold (probably for drug/alcohol money).
"I want to fuck you like an animal, I want to feel you from the inside, I want to fuck you like an animal, My whole existence is flawed, You get me closer to god"
I loved my grandmother, but I always wondered how she had two children who both ended up with addiction problems. I haven't seen either of them since I was in high school. I did get a letter a few years ago from him, based on my mother's suggestion, which just appologizes for everything. I never responded, but I think my sister and brother have. Maybe it's completely selfish, but is it wrong to feel completely nothing? My sister takes the opposite stand and is angry, my brother just looks at it like water under the bridge, but I pretend the whole thing didn't happen.
"Cause I'm, just Marshall Mathers
And if you wanna run your mouth
then come take your best shot at me"
I know this is strange, but I love feather pillows. Not only the irresistable fluffiness that beckons you to snuggle with it, but the smell. Yes, I said smell. I don't even know how to describe the smell of a feather pillow, except that it incites comfort. This is particularly true for a well worn feather pillow. I know this may sounds weird, especially coming from one of the few people that believe sneezes have a smell to them. I swear they do! I know I'm not the only one who can smell them!
Omg, I came across something I wrote during my theater days when I was cooped up in a glass box for 5 to 6 hours by myself. LOL, completely emo, but it was meant to be ... The clouds blanketed the sky like a field of snow. However, this gray day couldn't match her sorrow. Days slipped by unnoticed. As if time ceased to exist. At first, the loss was unbelievable, but slowly the meaning sunk into her bones and petrified her heart. Quietly in solitude, a rivulet of tears ran from her eyes and over her nose, as if her face displayed a small waterfall. The exterior would not know her sorrow - hidden beneath the faux smile and arched brows. Only in solitude, would she love her sorrow.
Even better is Urb dic's definition of emo, ha:
girlfriend: C'mon, lets have sex.
boyfriend: I'm too sad to have sex.
girlfriend: I'm sad too; lets have sex and cry.
boyfriend: I'm already crying.
I've been exploring CL lately. You really can find anything on there. But seriously people, who wants to buy your falling apart crap? Give it up. I love reading through the missed connect. portion though. Some are too cute, others just plain scary. Tell me what I was wearing, so I know it's you, lol.
Btw, my sister is graduating from UCF this saturday! Crazy, I know! I feel so old, lol!
"You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused That nobody understands you
You're so gay and you don't even like boys"
Anyway . . .
O, I got a call from my great aunt the other day. My aunt and uncle are getting older and are now going to sell their NC summer home and permanently stay in their Clearwater home. She wanted to let me know what was stipulated in her will, which I think is a very good idea to have prepared ahead of time and talked about (especially since my family seems to get screwed out of things). I can tell my aunt is disappointed she can't leave much for my biological father and aunt because of their problems. She told me that at one point she had given my aunt a family ring, which she sold (probably for drug/alcohol money).
"I want to fuck you like an animal, I want to feel you from the inside, I want to fuck you like an animal, My whole existence is flawed, You get me closer to god"
I loved my grandmother, but I always wondered how she had two children who both ended up with addiction problems. I haven't seen either of them since I was in high school. I did get a letter a few years ago from him, based on my mother's suggestion, which just appologizes for everything. I never responded, but I think my sister and brother have. Maybe it's completely selfish, but is it wrong to feel completely nothing? My sister takes the opposite stand and is angry, my brother just looks at it like water under the bridge, but I pretend the whole thing didn't happen.
"Cause I'm, just Marshall Mathers
And if you wanna run your mouth
then come take your best shot at me"
I know this is strange, but I love feather pillows. Not only the irresistable fluffiness that beckons you to snuggle with it, but the smell. Yes, I said smell. I don't even know how to describe the smell of a feather pillow, except that it incites comfort. This is particularly true for a well worn feather pillow. I know this may sounds weird, especially coming from one of the few people that believe sneezes have a smell to them. I swear they do! I know I'm not the only one who can smell them!
Omg, I came across something I wrote during my theater days when I was cooped up in a glass box for 5 to 6 hours by myself. LOL, completely emo, but it was meant to be ... The clouds blanketed the sky like a field of snow. However, this gray day couldn't match her sorrow. Days slipped by unnoticed. As if time ceased to exist. At first, the loss was unbelievable, but slowly the meaning sunk into her bones and petrified her heart. Quietly in solitude, a rivulet of tears ran from her eyes and over her nose, as if her face displayed a small waterfall. The exterior would not know her sorrow - hidden beneath the faux smile and arched brows. Only in solitude, would she love her sorrow.
Even better is Urb dic's definition of emo, ha:
girlfriend: C'mon, lets have sex.
boyfriend: I'm too sad to have sex.
girlfriend: I'm sad too; lets have sex and cry.
boyfriend: I'm already crying.
I've been exploring CL lately. You really can find anything on there. But seriously people, who wants to buy your falling apart crap? Give it up. I love reading through the missed connect. portion though. Some are too cute, others just plain scary. Tell me what I was wearing, so I know it's you, lol.
Btw, my sister is graduating from UCF this saturday! Crazy, I know! I feel so old, lol!
"You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused That nobody understands you
You're so gay and you don't even like boys"
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
It's so Diculous, it's Ridiculous
Good morning! I'm enjoying a nice cup of black coffee and some a.m. internet time. I've decided to take the day off today, even though I shouldn't. What shall I do? There are so many possibilities? Hmm. I wish I could share the day with someone. Yes, I live in a house full of people, but when they're gone I don't know what to do with myself. "Now that you've got it, what you gonna do about it"
Last night was interesting. My sister decided to run away for a bit. Yep, she thought she was sneaky by locking her bedroom door and slipping out the window. Teenage girls. I'm glad I was never one, lol, or rather not a crazy one. I think back to my teenage years and realize that I am much the same as I am now. I didn't have a rebellious stage. I didn't ask for much and I can predict my parents actions well. I know that each choice has a consequence that you must abide by so I picked my options wisely. My parents are more than fair. Anyway, the whole ordeal lasted only a couple hours at most and we were in bed by 11. Just gets me thinking that if I ever did have children, would I survive the teenage years, lol. Although the way things are going, I won't have to worry about it.
Hung out with W,N, and B last weekend and had a good time . . . dinner, movie, and drinks at a fun latin club in downtown disney. Hope to repeat this experience in the near future.
"To see you when I wake up Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said I miss you"
My parents now own a time share in Ormond.
Have actually been dreaming lately. I usually never remember my dreams but the past two nights I have. Maybe it's because I have been going to bed without distraction lately. I usually have the t.v. going or something to drowned out those thoughts. I don't believe dreams really mean anything. Sure If you are worried or obsessing about something elements of that will make its way into your dreams. Well, if you want to look at it that way then yes, dreams do provide some insight into the dreamers thinking and feelings. Anyway, isn't it strange that a dream could be so clear and then on your way to the bathroom you remember that it was an interesting dream or one that you want to remember but it is wiped clean from your memory? Although most of the dreams I remember center around some type of tragedy.
"So be my massacre, be my masochist, be my tease
Cause you captivate me when you stand in front of me"
-Evans Blue
Last night was interesting. My sister decided to run away for a bit. Yep, she thought she was sneaky by locking her bedroom door and slipping out the window. Teenage girls. I'm glad I was never one, lol, or rather not a crazy one. I think back to my teenage years and realize that I am much the same as I am now. I didn't have a rebellious stage. I didn't ask for much and I can predict my parents actions well. I know that each choice has a consequence that you must abide by so I picked my options wisely. My parents are more than fair. Anyway, the whole ordeal lasted only a couple hours at most and we were in bed by 11. Just gets me thinking that if I ever did have children, would I survive the teenage years, lol. Although the way things are going, I won't have to worry about it.
Hung out with W,N, and B last weekend and had a good time . . . dinner, movie, and drinks at a fun latin club in downtown disney. Hope to repeat this experience in the near future.
"To see you when I wake up Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said I miss you"
My parents now own a time share in Ormond.
Have actually been dreaming lately. I usually never remember my dreams but the past two nights I have. Maybe it's because I have been going to bed without distraction lately. I usually have the t.v. going or something to drowned out those thoughts. I don't believe dreams really mean anything. Sure If you are worried or obsessing about something elements of that will make its way into your dreams. Well, if you want to look at it that way then yes, dreams do provide some insight into the dreamers thinking and feelings. Anyway, isn't it strange that a dream could be so clear and then on your way to the bathroom you remember that it was an interesting dream or one that you want to remember but it is wiped clean from your memory? Although most of the dreams I remember center around some type of tragedy.
"So be my massacre, be my masochist, be my tease
Cause you captivate me when you stand in front of me"
-Evans Blue
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Somehow everything I need lately magically disappears from its proper place never to be found again. Arrgg! So frustrating! Tweezers, yep gone. Eyeshadow, gone too. I have a hunch that they have been kidnapped and are being held hostage somewhere in the garbage dump my sister calls a room, even though she denies it. She is definitely an artist of chaos. I don't know how she can stand it, let alone find anything belonging to herself or me. Seriously, finding old food in dresser drawers. . . not okay.
Haha. I tell you I am quite talented in the coordination department lately. While walking backwards leading a line of firsts I managed to walk right into a wall. Yep. Right in front of a concerned admin too. lol. I'm so smooth. You would think those years of marching would have had a greater positive impact on my footwork. To top it off everything seems to slip through my fingers lately.
Such a long day, but strangely, i'm feeling energized. I'll probably feel the after effects tomorrow at work.
My goals this upcoming week include figuring out how to postpone/reduce my loans temporarily, exploring my summer employment options, and possibly cleaning out that fish tank that has been sitting in my room for the last year - gross!
Anyhow, must get some sleep before early wake up call.
Haha. I tell you I am quite talented in the coordination department lately. While walking backwards leading a line of firsts I managed to walk right into a wall. Yep. Right in front of a concerned admin too. lol. I'm so smooth. You would think those years of marching would have had a greater positive impact on my footwork. To top it off everything seems to slip through my fingers lately.
Such a long day, but strangely, i'm feeling energized. I'll probably feel the after effects tomorrow at work.
My goals this upcoming week include figuring out how to postpone/reduce my loans temporarily, exploring my summer employment options, and possibly cleaning out that fish tank that has been sitting in my room for the last year - gross!
Anyhow, must get some sleep before early wake up call.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
on the edge . . .
i'm broke, having trouble getting a decent job and nearly had a panic attack balancing my finances : (
on the bright side . . .
i had a good day sunday which included tourists, friends, and a pool
studies have shown that the physical act of smiling can improve your mood. In that case . . .
"Smile like you mean it"
i'm broke, having trouble getting a decent job and nearly had a panic attack balancing my finances : (
on the bright side . . .
i had a good day sunday which included tourists, friends, and a pool
studies have shown that the physical act of smiling can improve your mood. In that case . . .
"Smile like you mean it"
Thursday, April 23, 2009
98% over sickness☺. Discovered my sis and I share a common love for ZE - so wrong - lol. Who was hit on by a woman this week? I was! Haha.
Had a very long day today spent it with pre-k bunch, rushed home for a quick lunch, and then off to work again. I'm exhausted! All my Thurs. are booked for the next month. Those business cards were a good idea, even got a referral.
Things I have learned:
Had a very long day today spent it with pre-k bunch, rushed home for a quick lunch, and then off to work again. I'm exhausted! All my Thurs. are booked for the next month. Those business cards were a good idea, even got a referral.
Things I have learned:
- While they are adorable, I am confident that pre-k/k is not the level for me - now aiming for 2-4ish.
- I love read alouds, music time and signing with the kids ♥
- Always have a few activities in mind. I've walked into a few rooms with no plans and only 20 minutes before the day begins
- Sometimes you just need to stretch and take a brain break
- Size up your students right away; figure out who will be helpful and who you will need by your side at all times (this is easily accomplished the first minute they walk in - you'll know)
- Without their teacher, students have to use the bathroom 10 times more per day than usual, give your students plenty of time and opportunities
- Always start the day confidently with your expectations and reward/consequence system
- I love Home Language classrooms and wish I was fluent in Espanol
- More than 12-15 students in a class is too many
- I have no interest in teaching students with emotional/behavior problems - much too draining- and i don't have the voice for it
I'm in definite need of some playtime this weekend!
Monday, April 06, 2009
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
"You have mixed feelings about work now. On one hand you are ready to take charge and do whatever is necessary for you to reach your goals. On the other hand, you are tired of pushing yourself with your own motivational tools. Either way will likely leave you wishing that you listened to the other voice. The way out, however, is to keep both hands busy by being both active and passive in your pursuit of success (from Tarot.com)."
Ughh, I don't want to go to work, lol.
I feel like someone punched me in the eye, or what I imagine it would feel like if someone were to punch me in the eye.
Overcast weather makes me want to spend the day in bed.
SB for the sibs.
Beach yesterday was nice, found a mermaid's necklace.
Didn't get too much ☼ though.
Watched a toddler trying to catch gulls, too cute.
Preping for a program, not turning out exactly as planned.
I ♥ hot cocoa.
"Forget about guns and forget ammunition
Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
Now everything is cool as long as I’m getting thinner"
- Lilly Allen
Ughh, I don't want to go to work, lol.
I feel like someone punched me in the eye, or what I imagine it would feel like if someone were to punch me in the eye.
Overcast weather makes me want to spend the day in bed.
SB for the sibs.
Beach yesterday was nice, found a mermaid's necklace.
Didn't get too much ☼ though.
Watched a toddler trying to catch gulls, too cute.
Preping for a program, not turning out exactly as planned.
I ♥ hot cocoa.
"Forget about guns and forget ammunition
Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
Now everything is cool as long as I’m getting thinner"
- Lilly Allen
Monday, March 30, 2009
Should b sleeping.
Dog barf again. . . . I think he is allergic to clean sheets. Seriously need to consider having him sleep elsewhere. Aww, but those puppy dog eyes are too hard to resist.
Listening to cd a patron gave me. Woohoo, go beach boys! Definitely not 1 of their bests. On first listen, I'm going with cheese, repetitive, & flat. But a few songs are singable & I'm sure it could potentially grow on u. After googling and researching, was surprised to find . . . cd is no longer produced . . . a connection between manson, melcher, murphy brown, & tate (very interesting) . . . Manson, a musician ?. . . Ha, and john stamos singing - i had to youtube it. Yep, they have video, lol. Wow, awful song (forever), hot guy. I need to replay . . .
the beach was a no go because of rain, isn't it awful when you can't remember what the hell you did, lol.
No call from the school : ( I thought I had it.
feeding cats while friend is away on Jamaica trip *sigh*. O, well this gives me the perfect opportunity to use an urb dic word . . . I would love to go to Jamaica, but I have a bad case of recessionitis.
"Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key Largo Montego, baby why don't we go
Ooh I wanna take you down to Kokomo,
we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go, way down in Kokomo."
-Beach Boys
Dog barf again. . . . I think he is allergic to clean sheets. Seriously need to consider having him sleep elsewhere. Aww, but those puppy dog eyes are too hard to resist.
Listening to cd a patron gave me. Woohoo, go beach boys! Definitely not 1 of their bests. On first listen, I'm going with cheese, repetitive, & flat. But a few songs are singable & I'm sure it could potentially grow on u. After googling and researching, was surprised to find . . . cd is no longer produced . . . a connection between manson, melcher, murphy brown, & tate (very interesting) . . . Manson, a musician ?. . . Ha, and john stamos singing - i had to youtube it. Yep, they have video, lol. Wow, awful song (forever), hot guy. I need to replay . . .
the beach was a no go because of rain, isn't it awful when you can't remember what the hell you did, lol.
No call from the school : ( I thought I had it.
feeding cats while friend is away on Jamaica trip *sigh*. O, well this gives me the perfect opportunity to use an urb dic word . . . I would love to go to Jamaica, but I have a bad case of recessionitis.
"Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key Largo Montego, baby why don't we go
Ooh I wanna take you down to Kokomo,
we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go, way down in Kokomo."
-Beach Boys
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I love urban dictionary! Bitchassness, what? O, that just made my day ♥.
Such an unproductive day - haven't heard anything from the school yet, not a good sign - in desperate need of a haircut, been flat ironing the crap out of my hair and it shows - my skin hates me, concealer overload - wish I had a pool, and a tan - insanely jealous of Jamaica trip that I can't afford, mmm, coconut rum - love the smell of suntan lotion in the morning, maybe i should use it as a perfume - beach on sunday? - dog barfed on sheets again, he doesn't let me sleep through the night - wish I was multilingual - work comes too quickly, i just know i'm going to oversleep tomorrow morning or rather this morning - mug shots - fallon as a night show host, hmm, i'm not sold
Watching the news - We have coyotes? Really?
Must check up on brother and sister
"I'm safe Up high Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside You're like protection
How do I feel this good sober?
I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth"
-Pink
Such an unproductive day - haven't heard anything from the school yet, not a good sign - in desperate need of a haircut, been flat ironing the crap out of my hair and it shows - my skin hates me, concealer overload - wish I had a pool, and a tan - insanely jealous of Jamaica trip that I can't afford, mmm, coconut rum - love the smell of suntan lotion in the morning, maybe i should use it as a perfume - beach on sunday? - dog barfed on sheets again, he doesn't let me sleep through the night - wish I was multilingual - work comes too quickly, i just know i'm going to oversleep tomorrow morning or rather this morning - mug shots - fallon as a night show host, hmm, i'm not sold
Watching the news - We have coyotes? Really?
Must check up on brother and sister
"I'm safe Up high Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside You're like protection
How do I feel this good sober?
I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth"
-Pink
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
too much coffee = jitters
The interview last Friday went really well. The administration and office staff were so welcoming. They made me feel more comfortable than any school I have ever visited. The timing of the position sounds like it would be an excellent fit; allowing me to give a full 2 weeks notice. Don't want to burn my bridges...should find out by the end of this week...
The interview last Friday went really well. The administration and office staff were so welcoming. They made me feel more comfortable than any school I have ever visited. The timing of the position sounds like it would be an excellent fit; allowing me to give a full 2 weeks notice. Don't want to burn my bridges...should find out by the end of this week...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Splurged and had my first professional pedicure (a.k.a. little piece of heaven). The massage was awesome. I could use a full body massage though, my back is so tight.
Really stressed about money issues, not sure how i'm going to manage the next month or so. Damn student loans. I wonder if I can defer them again. Probably not . . . I need to start growing that money tree in the backyard or start doing something more devious : ) Yuck! I really want to avoid even looking at my nonexistant account. Ignorance is bliss : ). Must take more subbing assignments and spend less. Honestly, I really am not a spender. I am definitely more of a saver, but I have run through my savings paying bills.
School called about a temp position they have available and I now have an interview on Friday. Doesn't look to be a great school, but I am now desperate. I really should have taken the last position offered to me, but. . . too late, I froze. Partially because the school brought back bad memories and partially because it was happening too fast. I don't do well when things are flung at me high speed. I tend to shut down. Maybe it is my way of trying to hold onto that security blanket. Anyway, the school needed references. Particularly one from my current employer, which I really don't think they have the right to ask for because I am currently with them. I told the secretary this, but it didn't fly and she finagled the info out of me. I really hope I don't get shit for it. I should not have given the info out.
Subed yesterday for a fifth grade class in the great p hills area. It was only a half day, but thank god! Very rowdy group! I'm not sure how their teacher survived the year. She even had some 13 year olds in the class. I understand that they are academically on the level of a 5th grader, but socially and developmentally I'm not sure it is a good idea to have students with such a broad age range in the same class. We had good moments, but the last 30 min or so was torture. Even *Bribery* was uneffective. Subs are greatly underpaid as are teachers. Lately, I wish I could go back to school and redo it. I think I would become a pharmacist or something. I guess every profession has its downfalls, but i'm not so sure . . .
Feeling the urge to go on a tropical vacation. Omg, that would be pure bliss. Spending days sipping icy drinks in front of a secluded blue ocean, like a corona add. But for now, I really need to get some housework done before work . . .
"You look so fine
I want to break your heart
And give you mine
You're taking me over
It's so insane
You've got me tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I'm falling over"
-Garbage
Really stressed about money issues, not sure how i'm going to manage the next month or so. Damn student loans. I wonder if I can defer them again. Probably not . . . I need to start growing that money tree in the backyard or start doing something more devious : ) Yuck! I really want to avoid even looking at my nonexistant account. Ignorance is bliss : ). Must take more subbing assignments and spend less. Honestly, I really am not a spender. I am definitely more of a saver, but I have run through my savings paying bills.
School called about a temp position they have available and I now have an interview on Friday. Doesn't look to be a great school, but I am now desperate. I really should have taken the last position offered to me, but. . . too late, I froze. Partially because the school brought back bad memories and partially because it was happening too fast. I don't do well when things are flung at me high speed. I tend to shut down. Maybe it is my way of trying to hold onto that security blanket. Anyway, the school needed references. Particularly one from my current employer, which I really don't think they have the right to ask for because I am currently with them. I told the secretary this, but it didn't fly and she finagled the info out of me. I really hope I don't get shit for it. I should not have given the info out.
Subed yesterday for a fifth grade class in the great p hills area. It was only a half day, but thank god! Very rowdy group! I'm not sure how their teacher survived the year. She even had some 13 year olds in the class. I understand that they are academically on the level of a 5th grader, but socially and developmentally I'm not sure it is a good idea to have students with such a broad age range in the same class. We had good moments, but the last 30 min or so was torture. Even *Bribery* was uneffective. Subs are greatly underpaid as are teachers. Lately, I wish I could go back to school and redo it. I think I would become a pharmacist or something. I guess every profession has its downfalls, but i'm not so sure . . .
Feeling the urge to go on a tropical vacation. Omg, that would be pure bliss. Spending days sipping icy drinks in front of a secluded blue ocean, like a corona add. But for now, I really need to get some housework done before work . . .
"You look so fine
I want to break your heart
And give you mine
You're taking me over
It's so insane
You've got me tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I'm falling over"
-Garbage
Friday, March 13, 2009
Incredibly tired, but yet still can't fall asleep. Missed out on sub opportunities this week . . . I really need to push myself to take assigments even if they aren't appealing. But it's so early in the morning. .. Ugh, I have to be up in a little while for work. A school called and wanted me to get a reference form filled out by my current employer = problematic.
"It all comes back to you, you'll finally get what you deserve
Try and test that you're bound to get served
Love's what I got
Don't start a riot
You'll feel it when the dance gets hot"
-Sublime
"It all comes back to you, you'll finally get what you deserve
Try and test that you're bound to get served
Love's what I got
Don't start a riot
You'll feel it when the dance gets hot"
-Sublime
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Work was fine. I managed to get through the whole day without incident, thank God.
1) Stuffed from a delicious dinner of Chinese food and chocolate, feeling slightly guilty for it
2) I'm trying to build up the umph to work out on the elliptical and not succeeding
3) Psyched about the beach tomorrow, but tired at the same time
4) Proud that I took a sub position yesterday. Yes it was Kinders, i survived, and enjoyed it
5) I really appreciate and am thankful for my sweet, awesome coworkers, we are truely a team and have each others backs . . . I think this fact is also making it so hard to leave . . .
6) But I really need to stop stalling and get back on the horse, it is slightly pathetic remaining in this stasis, even if I feel slight reprieve from career related stress, I now have other stressors, monetary stress is at the top of the list
"I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it." - Waitress
Feeling insecure ...research has suggested that more attractive people are happier in life - makes sense, but still. . .
Can you build a thicker skin, or is it something you are born with? Would like to work on this.
Sometimes I feel too vulnerable and transparent
"I hate my job, all of my rich friends I hate everyone to the bitter end. Nothing turns out right, there's no end in sight I hate my life!" -Theory of a Deadman
1) Stuffed from a delicious dinner of Chinese food and chocolate, feeling slightly guilty for it
2) I'm trying to build up the umph to work out on the elliptical and not succeeding
3) Psyched about the beach tomorrow, but tired at the same time
4) Proud that I took a sub position yesterday. Yes it was Kinders, i survived, and enjoyed it
5) I really appreciate and am thankful for my sweet, awesome coworkers, we are truely a team and have each others backs . . . I think this fact is also making it so hard to leave . . .
6) But I really need to stop stalling and get back on the horse, it is slightly pathetic remaining in this stasis, even if I feel slight reprieve from career related stress, I now have other stressors, monetary stress is at the top of the list
"I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it." - Waitress
Feeling insecure ...research has suggested that more attractive people are happier in life - makes sense, but still. . .
Can you build a thicker skin, or is it something you are born with? Would like to work on this.
Sometimes I feel too vulnerable and transparent
"I hate my job, all of my rich friends I hate everyone to the bitter end. Nothing turns out right, there's no end in sight I hate my life!" -Theory of a Deadman
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Mood: Relaxed, thanks to some cabernet . . .maybe i'll grab another glass : )
Watching: Family Guy
Music: Limp Bizkit, Break Stuff
Had one hell of a day at work... lady did a freakin' 180 on me. And the worst of it, she wasn't even talking to me, but behind my back to some of my coworkers loud enough for everyone to hear. Why can't people be decent and respectful of others? A freakin' personal attack she had no right to launch. Really? Damn bitch. Arrgg! I'm so frustrated/hurt/embarrassed/Pissed off!
I'm getting another glass of wine....*
I'm in serious need of a vacation, planning on the beach this Sunday. Too far away . . .
Happier news: I reconnected with an old high school friend, my B. I have missed her!
"Its just one of those days When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sux
You don't really know why But you want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!!"
Watching: Family Guy
Music: Limp Bizkit, Break Stuff
Had one hell of a day at work... lady did a freakin' 180 on me. And the worst of it, she wasn't even talking to me, but behind my back to some of my coworkers loud enough for everyone to hear. Why can't people be decent and respectful of others? A freakin' personal attack she had no right to launch. Really? Damn bitch. Arrgg! I'm so frustrated/hurt/embarrassed/Pissed off!
I'm getting another glass of wine....*
I'm in serious need of a vacation, planning on the beach this Sunday. Too far away . . .
Happier news: I reconnected with an old high school friend, my B. I have missed her!
"Its just one of those days When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sux
You don't really know why But you want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!!"
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Ok so it has definitely been a very, very long time since I have thought about blogging. Where shall I start? Well, lets just start at this present moment. Hmm... I feel as if my situation reflects a cross between someone going through a damn midlife crisis and one of those children who turn out to be no good bums, still living with their parents, with absolutely no amibition in life. Ha, attractive place to start, no?! After graduating, receiving my degree, and picking up the first job offered to me, I thought I had everything. It all came so easy. Well, I guess I'm paying for it now!
The job turned out to be a nightmare, and maybe I could have handled it if I were a different person -more experienced and hardened - but it just wasn't meant to be. So, I left and took some much needed time off. Looking back at my decision, some days I regret it, but most I do not. It was the right decision to make....ha, I'm still trying to analyze it, damn it, I can't just let it lie.
Anyway, I was unsuccessful in taking a position in my field, and in great need of money, took a filler job. One that is relatively stress free. A job that doesn't really pay the bills, but I have been able to get by with....until now. I can hardly believe I've been with this place for almost a year. It is true, the older you get the faster time seems to slip by.Now this place hasn't been too terrible to deal with ....Actually, it has been rather pleasant.
Anyway, I have been semi job searching this whole year and because of our terrible economic climate, have unfortunately received little in return for my efforts. I can't say that I haven't gotten anything back though. I have received a few temporary position offers. Now I have been hesitant about taking them because of the insecurity of having nothing once the position ends. I do like to play it safe, but I know sometimes you just have to take a risk.
Which brings me to my latest offers. I interviewed at 2 places last week and both offered me the position . . . I turned both of them down. Why? Well, to begin with, I'm worried about not having money or a job after the position is over. Second, there is no down time, I have to jump in immediately, giving my current place of employment no notice at all. I really hate time pressures, they stress me out! Finally, as my mother puts it, I have cold feet. After my first job experience, I worry whether or not I'm good enough. I'm not so sure I am.... I have never failed at anything before and it has truely messed with my head. I still enjoy the field though, I like doing what I was trained to do, but am I good enough? This situation still haunts me, was there anything I could have done to change the outcome? To be better.... I just want perfection, is that too much to ask!
Anyway, I'm not sure what my next move will be. Should I hold out for next year, or just try again and take a temp. At least I know that I'm hirable. I'm thinking the best strategy would be to take a temp and then try to get a perm in the fall. Is it really going to happen? Hmm... I am a true Libra, full of indecision and doubt.
God, I hate the interview process, but maybe its what I need...excessive practice, ha! I swear I've gone on so many interviews this year.
“Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried
Before you say goodbye Leave the bourbon on the shelf
And I'll drink it by myself
And I love you endlessly,
Darling don't you see
I'm not satisfied
Until I hold you tight”
-The Killers
The job turned out to be a nightmare, and maybe I could have handled it if I were a different person -more experienced and hardened - but it just wasn't meant to be. So, I left and took some much needed time off. Looking back at my decision, some days I regret it, but most I do not. It was the right decision to make....ha, I'm still trying to analyze it, damn it, I can't just let it lie.
Anyway, I was unsuccessful in taking a position in my field, and in great need of money, took a filler job. One that is relatively stress free. A job that doesn't really pay the bills, but I have been able to get by with....until now. I can hardly believe I've been with this place for almost a year. It is true, the older you get the faster time seems to slip by.Now this place hasn't been too terrible to deal with ....Actually, it has been rather pleasant.
Anyway, I have been semi job searching this whole year and because of our terrible economic climate, have unfortunately received little in return for my efforts. I can't say that I haven't gotten anything back though. I have received a few temporary position offers. Now I have been hesitant about taking them because of the insecurity of having nothing once the position ends. I do like to play it safe, but I know sometimes you just have to take a risk.
Which brings me to my latest offers. I interviewed at 2 places last week and both offered me the position . . . I turned both of them down. Why? Well, to begin with, I'm worried about not having money or a job after the position is over. Second, there is no down time, I have to jump in immediately, giving my current place of employment no notice at all. I really hate time pressures, they stress me out! Finally, as my mother puts it, I have cold feet. After my first job experience, I worry whether or not I'm good enough. I'm not so sure I am.... I have never failed at anything before and it has truely messed with my head. I still enjoy the field though, I like doing what I was trained to do, but am I good enough? This situation still haunts me, was there anything I could have done to change the outcome? To be better.... I just want perfection, is that too much to ask!
Anyway, I'm not sure what my next move will be. Should I hold out for next year, or just try again and take a temp. At least I know that I'm hirable. I'm thinking the best strategy would be to take a temp and then try to get a perm in the fall. Is it really going to happen? Hmm... I am a true Libra, full of indecision and doubt.
God, I hate the interview process, but maybe its what I need...excessive practice, ha! I swear I've gone on so many interviews this year.
“Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried
Before you say goodbye Leave the bourbon on the shelf
And I'll drink it by myself
And I love you endlessly,
Darling don't you see
I'm not satisfied
Until I hold you tight”
-The Killers
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