Tuesday, March 09, 2010
You know you're fucked when ...
you feel like going out and having fun, but realize you can't afford it
you have nightmares (that wake you up at 4 am)about not being able to pay your grocery bill
you find out that taxes were not taken out of your pay check and you owe the government $800 (which you don't have)
you realize that you are not living up to your potential and have wasted a few years of your life
you experience random, mild bouts of anxiety
you feel like going out and having fun, but realize you can't afford it
you have nightmares (that wake you up at 4 am)about not being able to pay your grocery bill
you find out that taxes were not taken out of your pay check and you owe the government $800 (which you don't have)
you realize that you are not living up to your potential and have wasted a few years of your life
you experience random, mild bouts of anxiety
Monday, December 28, 2009
drink: dirty vodka martini
music: Aerosmith
"I'm major in love, but in all minor keys/'cause falling in love is so hard on the knees"
Christmas was a blast. While the presents under the tree were few in number, I enjoyed the company of my famiy. We ended up playing this game called the game of Things or something like that. You have to put in a response to a writing prompt and everyone has to guess who wrote what. We really went to town with this and ended up with belly laughs. For example: Things you would like to try - my grandfather wrote sex,to my grandmother's dismay - Burn!, Things better late than never - mom's response...climax. Ahh, it was a good time.
What else...O,a lady slapped me in the face today lol. It was definitely meant to be a friendly embrace, but I totally wasn't expecting her to grab my face. And, I went to see the Sherlock Holmes movie and enjoyed it - even if I went by myself.I love 19th century costumes and of course Robert D. I finished the throw blanket I was crocheting off and on for the past 2 years. It was my first attempt at crochet. And yep, it pretty much looks like crap, but it was crap that I put a lot of time into so... I love it anyway. Ha! all my blanket squares came out dome shaped, so as my brother pointed out . . . it looks like a ball holder/hat, lol. Maybe I'll be better at knitting or I should just design a line of crochet banana hammocks.
Not sure what I'm doing New Years Eve, don't have any plans as of yet. Wendy is out with her boy toy in NC. If they end up married, I hope she convinces him to move here or else she will have to find a place with a mother in law suite to accommodate me! Btw, after the holidays I'm not allowed to eat anymore, lol.
I finished reading Snow Flower and the Secret Fan and loved it. Such a great picture of Chinese culture at that time and very well written. Ugh, and foot binding - so hard to stomach. But, if you think of all the things women do today in the name of beauty (bigger breasts, and a flat stomach? - me please!) and social standing it is a lot easier to understand. Moving on to another Freud book: Darkness in the Midst of Vision.
"Pink like a deco umbrella
It's kink - but you don't ever tell her
Pink it was love at first sight, and
Pink when I turn out the light
Pink gets me high as a kite
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight
I want to be your lover
I wanna wrap you in rubber
As pink as the sheets that we lay on
Pink it's my favorite crayon, yeah "
music: Aerosmith
"I'm major in love, but in all minor keys/'cause falling in love is so hard on the knees"
Christmas was a blast. While the presents under the tree were few in number, I enjoyed the company of my famiy. We ended up playing this game called the game of Things or something like that. You have to put in a response to a writing prompt and everyone has to guess who wrote what. We really went to town with this and ended up with belly laughs. For example: Things you would like to try - my grandfather wrote sex,to my grandmother's dismay - Burn!, Things better late than never - mom's response...climax. Ahh, it was a good time.
What else...O,a lady slapped me in the face today lol. It was definitely meant to be a friendly embrace, but I totally wasn't expecting her to grab my face. And, I went to see the Sherlock Holmes movie and enjoyed it - even if I went by myself.I love 19th century costumes and of course Robert D. I finished the throw blanket I was crocheting off and on for the past 2 years. It was my first attempt at crochet. And yep, it pretty much looks like crap, but it was crap that I put a lot of time into so... I love it anyway. Ha! all my blanket squares came out dome shaped, so as my brother pointed out . . . it looks like a ball holder/hat, lol. Maybe I'll be better at knitting or I should just design a line of crochet banana hammocks.
Not sure what I'm doing New Years Eve, don't have any plans as of yet. Wendy is out with her boy toy in NC. If they end up married, I hope she convinces him to move here or else she will have to find a place with a mother in law suite to accommodate me! Btw, after the holidays I'm not allowed to eat anymore, lol.
I finished reading Snow Flower and the Secret Fan and loved it. Such a great picture of Chinese culture at that time and very well written. Ugh, and foot binding - so hard to stomach. But, if you think of all the things women do today in the name of beauty (bigger breasts, and a flat stomach? - me please!) and social standing it is a lot easier to understand. Moving on to another Freud book: Darkness in the Midst of Vision.
"Pink like a deco umbrella
It's kink - but you don't ever tell her
Pink it was love at first sight, and
Pink when I turn out the light
Pink gets me high as a kite
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight
I want to be your lover
I wanna wrap you in rubber
As pink as the sheets that we lay on
Pink it's my favorite crayon, yeah "
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Undisclosed Desires
I’m trying to set more goals for myself. Focusing on self improvement will hopefully not only lead to a better self, but take me out of this numb funk. Sometimes I feel like I’m looking at myself from the outside like some corny sci-fi experience.I take things too seriously and worry too much. I rarely give myself the opportunity to relieve some of that stress and gobbledygook. I'm working on this. Loving Muse:
For the first time ever, I went downtown for some dinner and dessert. I’ve discovered that I have not mastered the art of eating rice with chop sticks (although I tried my best to look like I knew what I was doing) and that I love peanut butter pie with passion. If I ever own a restaurant/shop, I want it to look like the dessert place -its dim lighting, vintage style décor, I would almost say French atmosphere. Not that I've ever been to France or know anything about French decor.
I read a book about Freud and find it interesting that we give him so much credit and iconic power when his theories, for the most part, are greatly disbelieved. The book painted him as a fame hungry guy, who himself suffered with psychological trauma. Freud threw himself into his work, was against women’s liberation, and was “closer” to some of his male colleagues than he was with his wife. Granted, he did contribute much to the field of psychology along with the colleagues he worked closely with, but he tried to tailor his cases to fit his theories rather than the other way around. His theories developed from a small number of cases, instead of a plethora of evidence. He did, however, make a large contribution to the field, along with Breuer, by recognizing physical symptoms as a result of psychological distress rather than some familiar deficiency.
On a side note, my brother is a doofus. Of course he failed the necessary test to get him into the program. Fortunately, they are giving him another chance and hopefully he will make better choices in the future.
Please me/Show me how it's done/Trust me/You are the one
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
For the first time ever, I went downtown for some dinner and dessert. I’ve discovered that I have not mastered the art of eating rice with chop sticks (although I tried my best to look like I knew what I was doing) and that I love peanut butter pie with passion. If I ever own a restaurant/shop, I want it to look like the dessert place -its dim lighting, vintage style décor, I would almost say French atmosphere. Not that I've ever been to France or know anything about French decor.
Réponds à ma tendresse/Réponds à ma tendresse/Ahhh! Verse-moi l'ivresse
I belong/I belong to you alone
I read a book about Freud and find it interesting that we give him so much credit and iconic power when his theories, for the most part, are greatly disbelieved. The book painted him as a fame hungry guy, who himself suffered with psychological trauma. Freud threw himself into his work, was against women’s liberation, and was “closer” to some of his male colleagues than he was with his wife. Granted, he did contribute much to the field of psychology along with the colleagues he worked closely with, but he tried to tailor his cases to fit his theories rather than the other way around. His theories developed from a small number of cases, instead of a plethora of evidence. He did, however, make a large contribution to the field, along with Breuer, by recognizing physical symptoms as a result of psychological distress rather than some familiar deficiency.
On a side note, my brother is a doofus. Of course he failed the necessary test to get him into the program. Fortunately, they are giving him another chance and hopefully he will make better choices in the future.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Happy Turkey!
Sick with a cold, I've been quarantined in my room along with the animals and the cat litter. My nose hurts!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
It feels so good to know that your effort has lead to good results. . . and better clothes.
Excellent shopping trip.
Loved UP!, "squirrel!"
I discussed the whole interview thing with friends and I agree with their position. I shoud just stick it out, continue doing what I am doing - ingratiating myself into schools, deciding which ones I would really like to pursue.
Would like a winter wonderland vacation.
Loving this:
"You're a Zero! What's your name? No one's gonna ask you Better find out where they want you to go Try and hit the spot Get to know it in the dark"
Excellent shopping trip.
Loved UP!, "squirrel!"
I discussed the whole interview thing with friends and I agree with their position. I shoud just stick it out, continue doing what I am doing - ingratiating myself into schools, deciding which ones I would really like to pursue.
Would like a winter wonderland vacation.
Loving this:
"You're a Zero! What's your name? No one's gonna ask you Better find out where they want you to go Try and hit the spot Get to know it in the dark"
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Blueberry vodka: warm,fruity,sexy
Carving pumpkins.
Found a new favorite school. It's smaller and about 5 minutes from the lib, but the staff and students seem awesome. In fact, I subbed for a lady who tutors in the lib all the time. I thought she looked familiar. Speaking of this, I ran into someone I went to elementary school with and haven't seen since. Ha! Isn't it funny how we recognized each other right away and I haven't seen her since 5th grade. We weren't even that close.
Dragon lady is getting under my skin as pressure of deadlines mount. So type A, she needs a shot of B. We should totally name a drink after her. . . (update: deadline has been extended, whew. more procrastination to ensue).
Lonely.
In January, my sister is moving to China w/ H. to teach English.
Could only get through 30 minutes of G.I Joe movie. It's either the vodka or the nonexitant storyine (or my inability to pay attention to it at the moment). Maybe I should watch Up instead. Ha! I fell off the bed.
*Um we found your porno? Please come collect it (or someone is taking it home with them)!*
Carving pumpkins.
Found a new favorite school. It's smaller and about 5 minutes from the lib, but the staff and students seem awesome. In fact, I subbed for a lady who tutors in the lib all the time. I thought she looked familiar. Speaking of this, I ran into someone I went to elementary school with and haven't seen since. Ha! Isn't it funny how we recognized each other right away and I haven't seen her since 5th grade. We weren't even that close.
Dragon lady is getting under my skin as pressure of deadlines mount. So type A, she needs a shot of B. We should totally name a drink after her. . . (update: deadline has been extended, whew. more procrastination to ensue).
Lonely.
In January, my sister is moving to China w/ H. to teach English.
Could only get through 30 minutes of G.I Joe movie. It's either the vodka or the nonexitant storyine (or my inability to pay attention to it at the moment). Maybe I should watch Up instead. Ha! I fell off the bed.
*Um we found your porno? Please come collect it (or someone is taking it home with them)!*
Thursday, October 29, 2009
And the plot thickens . . .
I'm now privy to the teenage dirt going on in the neighborhood. It's like some hardcore ShowTime drama, containing drugs, alcohol, sexual blackmail, almost murder, and probably gang activity. He's now suspended for skipping and being in a car that almost ran over a school security guard. He doesn't realize that his actions not only harm himself, but the whole family as well.
Bloated.
I have yet to work on my goals . . .
Doldrums.
Bloated.
I have yet to work on my goals . . .
Doldrums.
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