Ok so it has definitely been a very, very long time since I have thought about blogging. Where shall I start? Well, lets just start at this present moment. Hmm... I feel as if my situation reflects a cross between someone going through a damn midlife crisis and one of those children who turn out to be no good bums, still living with their parents, with absolutely no amibition in life. Ha, attractive place to start, no?! After graduating, receiving my degree, and picking up the first job offered to me, I thought I had everything. It all came so easy. Well, I guess I'm paying for it now!

The job turned out to be a nightmare, and maybe I could have handled it if I were a different person -more experienced and hardened - but it just wasn't meant to be. So, I left and took some much needed time off. Looking back at my decision, some days I regret it, but most I do not. It was the right decision to make....ha, I'm still trying to analyze it, damn it, I can't just let it lie.

Anyway, I was unsuccessful in taking a position in my field, and in great need of money, took a filler job. One that is relatively stress free. A job that doesn't really pay the bills, but I have been able to get by with....until now. I can hardly believe I've been with this place for almost a year. It is true, the older you get the faster time seems to slip by.Now this place hasn't been too terrible to deal with ....Actually, it has been rather pleasant.

Anyway, I have been semi job searching this whole year and because of our terrible economic climate, have unfortunately received little in return for my efforts. I can't say that I haven't gotten anything back though. I have received a few temporary position offers. Now I have been hesitant about taking them because of the insecurity of having nothing once the position ends. I do like to play it safe, but I know sometimes you just have to take a risk.

Which brings me to my latest offers. I interviewed at 2 places last week and both offered me the position . . . I turned both of them down. Why? Well, to begin with, I'm worried about not having money or a job after the position is over. Second, there is no down time, I have to jump in immediately, giving my current place of employment no notice at all. I really hate time pressures, they stress me out! Finally, as my mother puts it, I have cold feet. After my first job experience, I worry whether or not I'm good enough. I'm not so sure I am.... I have never failed at anything before and it has truely messed with my head. I still enjoy the field though, I like doing what I was trained to do, but am I good enough? This situation still haunts me, was there anything I could have done to change the outcome? To be better.... I just want perfection, is that too much to ask!

Anyway, I'm not sure what my next move will be. Should I hold out for next year, or just try again and take a temp. At least I know that I'm hirable. I'm thinking the best strategy would be to take a temp and then try to get a perm in the fall. Is it really going to happen? Hmm... I am a true Libra, full of indecision and doubt.

God, I hate the interview process, but maybe its what I need...excessive practice, ha! I swear I've gone on so many interviews this year.


“Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried
Before you say goodbye Leave the bourbon on the shelf
And I'll drink it by myself
And I love you endlessly,
Darling don't you see
I'm not satisfied
Until I hold you tight”

-The Killers