Sweet Distraction

I'm avoiding all productivity at the moment. Sweet distraction. *shuffling through itunes library* "I'm lost without you, Can't help myself, How does it feel? To know that I love ya baby" I had a nice cinco de mayo get together last night, which included 'ritas and tex mex. A little too much of both, lol. It's funny all the teacher I've met are going back to school or want to go back to do something else; something that makes more money and is hopefully less stressful. Hmm, not a good sign. If I could choose another profession, what would I choose? Join J on OBT or a webcam, lol? God, its so depressing. I don't know where I fit in. "Beautiful disaster, flyin' down the street again."
Anyway . . .

O, I got a call from my great aunt the other day. My aunt and uncle are getting older and are now going to sell their NC summer home and permanently stay in their Clearwater home. She wanted to let me know what was stipulated in her will, which I think is a very good idea to have prepared ahead of time and talked about (especially since my family seems to get screwed out of things). I can tell my aunt is disappointed she can't leave much for my biological father and aunt because of their problems. She told me that at one point she had given my aunt a family ring, which she sold (probably for drug/alcohol money).

"I want to fuck you like an animal, I want to feel you from the inside, I want to fuck you like an animal, My whole existence is flawed, You get me closer to god"

I loved my grandmother, but I always wondered how she had two children who both ended up with addiction problems. I haven't seen either of them since I was in high school. I did get a letter a few years ago from him, based on my mother's suggestion, which just appologizes for everything. I never responded, but I think my sister and brother have. Maybe it's completely selfish, but is it wrong to feel completely nothing? My sister takes the opposite stand and is angry, my brother just looks at it like water under the bridge, but I pretend the whole thing didn't happen.

"Cause I'm, just Marshall Mathers
And if you wanna run your mouth
then come take your best shot at me"

I know this is strange, but I love feather pillows. Not only the irresistable fluffiness that beckons you to snuggle with it, but the smell. Yes, I said smell. I don't even know how to describe the smell of a feather pillow, except that it incites comfort. This is particularly true for a well worn feather pillow. I know this may sounds weird, especially coming from one of the few people that believe sneezes have a smell to them. I swear they do! I know I'm not the only one who can smell them!

Omg, I came across something I wrote during my theater days when I was cooped up in a glass box for 5 to 6 hours by myself. LOL, completely emo, but it was meant to be ... The clouds blanketed the sky like a field of snow. However, this gray day couldn't match her sorrow. Days slipped by unnoticed. As if time ceased to exist. At first, the loss was unbelievable, but slowly the meaning sunk into her bones and petrified her heart. Quietly in solitude, a rivulet of tears ran from her eyes and over her nose, as if her face displayed a small waterfall. The exterior would not know her sorrow - hidden beneath the faux smile and arched brows. Only in solitude, would she love her sorrow.

Even better is Urb dic's definition of emo, ha:
girlfriend: C'mon, lets have sex.
boyfriend: I'm too sad to have sex.
girlfriend: I'm sad too; lets have sex and cry.
boyfriend: I'm already crying.

I've been exploring CL lately. You really can find anything on there. But seriously people, who wants to buy your falling apart crap? Give it up. I love reading through the missed connect. portion though. Some are too cute, others just plain scary. Tell me what I was wearing, so I know it's you, lol.

Btw, my sister is graduating from UCF this saturday! Crazy, I know! I feel so old, lol!

"You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused That nobody understands you
You're so gay and you don't even like boys"